WIM VANLESSEN – LOYALTY AND TRUST

“The only people you owe your loyalty to are those who never made you question theirs” – Joe Mehl. This week’s Awesome Orsum post looks at a man who lives up to this every single day. He is someone who throughout recent periods of my life, where I have not known where to turn to or who will listen, has opened his arms, ears and heart. I owe him a great deal more than I could ever express in words, and his loyalties also stretch to people I care about so very much; for this the depth of my gratitude trenches. He is one of my grandfather’s nearest and dearest and family to us both, let’s meet everyone’s favourite prima ballerina…

Wim Vanlessen is one of ballet’s most outstanding talents. At one point dubbed one of the best five male artists on the globe he continues to wow audiences with his grace, poise and professionalism. He has had a twenty year partnership with his equally talented dance partner Aki, something that in an art form as demanding as this deserves recognition. But as impressed with this principle dancer by his trade as I am, it is the man I have known off stage that I wish to celebrate. They say hard times reveal true friends, well Wim you are one of the truest.

I will start by outlining that if anybody I know who knows Wim were to write this article themselves, it would resonate in the same manner of praise. So frequently do I introduce Wim to people who immediately decide he is the greatest person ever, I wonder when he will realise I’m not worthy of so much of his time. Since moving to Belgium he has been a man who has provided me both with excellent company, unrivalled support, and judgement-removed understanding. It is not easy uprooting your life and trying to find the settle point, but Wim proved himself no fake friend; “Fake friends are like shadows. They’re always near you at your brightest moments, but they’re nowhere to be seen at your darkest hour” – Drake.

So Wim I want to start with a very simple thank you. A thank you for being there to stop and listen when you had so much going on in your life already. A thank you for not rolling your eyes, but for understanding the person I am and encouraging me to see the good in every situation. A thank you for being yourself, for being honest with me, and for letting me know the only crime would be for me to not be honest with myself. You did not have to do any of that for me friend, but you did and I will forever be grateful.

I find it funny that ‘friend’ is a word utterly misused in contemporary society. Facebook’s interpretation of the word has left it almost completely redundant of true significance. The dictionary defines ‘friend’ as a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection. I see this as intrinsically linked to two fundamental things: loyalty and trust. Many have found out the hard way what it is like to have these two things betrayed; it is just the worst. I always remember my father saying to me that you don’t ever lose friends in life, you just discover who your real ones are. Wim your loyalty and trust have proven to me that you were a real discovery, there should be more like you in this world.

So why loyalty? Furthermore, what even does that mean these days? You may have noticed my constant want for simplicity throughout this Blog, both of the message of the articles, but also of life generally. When it comes to loyalty – something Cicero believed all relationships seek – I don’t think it could be simpler. “Loyalty isn’t grey, it’s black or white. You’re either loyal completely, or you’re not loyal at all” – Shamay. To extrapolate, you can’t choose to be loyal to someone when it suits you. You are either by their side every step of the journey, or you fall off the mountain as they climb to greater things. I’m a firm believer that loyalty is one of the rarest things on this earth to find in a person.

Wim you are filled with loyalty, one I only hope I reciprocate in the manner you deserve. You have always made me feel like I can come to you with anything; I hope you know you can come to me with anything. You always make me feel that you are there for me no matter what; I hope you know that I am always there for you. Loyalty misplaced is like increasingly sharpening the dagger that ends up in your own back. With you Wim I know anyone sharpening the dagger will wear out the blade. I pray that everyone I know has at least one friend like this, someone truly loyal. I am blessed to have several people in my life like this, some of them have had Awesome Orsum articles already, but this man continues to prove it, cannot thank you enough.

The importance of loyalty in human relationships cannot be understated. Neither can the second part of why people like Wim are so important to have in your life, trust. It was Shakespeare who said “love all, trust a few”. This is a fantastic way to live, but knowing who you can trust in your life is a very difficult trial and error process. Sometimes we put huge trust in people who end up hurting us. The tragic thing is this can even affect the way we trust the subsequent people who are worthy of the trust that person never was. Wim Vanlessen has something very few people I’ve ever met have, I feel I can trust him with anything. I’ve learned in my short life that feeling something is so much more powerful than thinking it. I can feel the trustworthiness with Wim, to doubt it would feel forced.

So what exactly is trust in a friendship? In a relationship the sexual trust implicit for success is huge, at least a friendship does not have to deal with this right? Well, trust in friendships is still a complicated beast. I say beast with intent, because I believe trust is in essence something we cannot completely – and I stress completely – choose to give. It has a wild, untame, animalistic side to it that grows to a point where we just know we can trust that person or not, we feel it. The problem with the transparent society we live in is that we are constantly being fed examples of mistrust and so osmosise those into our psyche. But I believe Ernest Hemingway nails it on the head, “The best way to find out if you can trust someone is to trust them”. Wim I know I can trust you, but far more validly, I just trust you.

I cannot stress enough how much I believe that life necessitates consideration as to who we let into our lives. You will meet many, many people. You will likely have many ‘friends’ over a lifetime. I will always be grateful to my dad for his other tip on friendship, something I refuted for years thinking I knew better but I now see his wisdom and the truth in it. That is that you cannot have more than a few real friends, it is impossible, and the more you have the more you dilute the value of the most important ones. Wim you are a real friend. You have demonstrated to me countless times, especially of late, that you care about me and you are always there. Never forget how important these people are in your life. They are the real reason this thing we call life is worth living, “Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile” – Albert Einstein.

I want to conclude with a small reiteration, one final message and a quote. My reiteration is simply this: that I hope for your sake the friends you hold closest to you in life are loyal and trustworthy. If they are you better treat them with the same qualities, remember the definition of friend necessitates mutuality. My final message is one that cannot be overstated, thank you Wim, thank you all my friends who are there for me always. You are the people who bring your torches into my darkness, you allow me to realise I am good enough simply because I am me. You know who you are, please never forget how grateful I am. Finally a quote, one that I believe sums up the whole point of this article, of my relationship with Wim, and of life generally, “Respect is earned. Honesty is appreciated. Trust is gained. Loyalty is returned” – Unknown. Live. Love. Laugh. Have an awesome day.